I’ve been doing a lot of writing, but not here, so I thought I’d post a little about what I’ve been doing just to catch up.
I’ve been working on my beginner steps all over again, and I’m learning so much! This really is a lifelong journey. Re-reading the Big Book with new eyes has been fascinating. I’m realizing what a truly brilliant piece of writing it is! I never realized before, how exceptional it is. I recently listened to the Joe and Charlie tapes, up through Bill’s Story, and if you haven’t listened to those, they aren’t mandatory listening, but I couldn’t recommend them more highly. You can hear them on Youtube for free, and there are other web sites, but I couldn’t find a free iPhone app for them although there are many apps that you can listen to them on.
I’ve also been reading ‘A Woman’s Way through the 12 Steps’ by Stephanie Covington, which addresses the 12 steps from a woman’s point of view. It is a fact that the 12 steps were written by males, and if that’s ever bothered you, perhaps this book would be helpful to you in making the 12 steps more relevant to your journey. I’ve picked up a few great nuggets from this book. The best thing I’ve read in this book has to do with the Higher Power concept. It states on page 30 on the chapter regarding step 2 ‘I gradually found myself believing that there was a life force I could learn to cooperate with that brought about all this healthy change.’
That intrigued me. The concept of coming to a belief in God hasn’t been a problem for me, but my concept of God was a problem for me. I saw God as someone who was mad at me for drinking. I did not see God as a being who wanted a personal relationship with me. I grew up understanding that when you accept Christ, you accept a personal relationship with Him, but I didn’t have a concept of what that meant. I learned that God wanted a personal relationship, or a friendship, if you will, from reading “The Shack.” That’s when my concept of a good and loving God started to take hold in a tangible way. Now, another piece was added. A ‘life force I could learn to cooperate with.’
So I am starting to see this walk of sobriety as somewhat of an experiment. I am staying sober and working the steps. I am cultivating this friendship with God through prayer and meditation. I am cooperating with God by working the steps, going to meeting, working with my sponsor, praying, and so forth. Things in my life should get better. That is to say, I should become a healthier person.