Sin in All its Glory

Sin. We don’t like to talk about it. We don’t even like to think about it. But sin is at the heart of the gospel as much as forgiveness is.

The separation from God occurred because of SIN. Sin is turning away from God.

In the book “Eve,” W. Paul Young describes it like this: “Look and understand. Adam no longer sees what you see. In turning his face away, he believes he is alone.”

Adam turned away from God. That’s what sin is. Breaking fellowship. When we look directly at God and see His light, there is no darkness. As we turn away, we see the darkness and shadows. We believe we are alone because we don’t see the light anymore.

First we say that sin is not sin. That we have done nothing wrong, have hurt nobody. Then we say that there is no God. Or that God isn’t who he says he is.

I can’t say breaking God’s laws are ok. Because they aren’t ok. But at the same time, I’m not saying that I don’t have my own issues that I struggle with. I struggle. What I don’t do is declare that what I have chosen to do is right, when it obviously goes against God’s word.

I don’t really have a personal interest in whether or not dogs and cats live together or where they go to the bathroom. If someone wants a cake, I would give them a cake. I don’t care what they do with the cake.

When I worked in a grocery store I sold a lot of booze to alcoholics. I could tell they were alcoholics. But it wasn’t my business whether or not they went home and drank themselves into oblivion and got into trouble. I’m sad for them because they suffer, and they don’t have to suffer. I feel bad for the people they hurt. I think if they cause physical pain to other people, there should be intervention. But as a cashier, I wasn’t in the position to judge whether or not that was the case.

If a homosexual couple wants to marry, I say let them marry. But not in my church. I go to a church that says sin is sin, when sin is sin. I don’t go to church drunk on Sunday because that would be a sin. I can’t attend a wedding ceremony of two gay people in my church because God only recognizes marriage between a man and a woman in my church. There are churches for gay people to get married in. Don’t force me to go against my own beliefs in my own church. That’s what I ask. You want the government to say it’s ok for gay people to get married? Fine. I don’t think that’s what’s best for society. I’m not going to support that. But I haven’t joined a protest or picketed a gay wedding at city hall.

I think sin separates us from the love of God. I would like to remain within the sphere of God’s love, and I hope for that for every human being. That means that it would be immoral for me to say sin is not sin in order to be inclusive or avoid hurting someone else’s feelings. God is a forgiving God. God wants to forgive us. He wants us to live in His love. He longs for us and he pursues his children voraciously. But God never says sin is ok. He does something better. He says he forgives it.

Forgiveness is an amazing thing. It’s receiving a pardon without being deserving of it. We don’t do anything to deserve forgiveness. Even repenting of our sins doesn’t earn us forgiveness. We turned from God. We did that. God forgives us while we were still sinners. He takes us from the lowest of the low and puts us on the highest hill. We are not just lost and undeserving sinners who were forgiven, he adopts us and makes us sons and daughters. Heirs to his kingdom. From the lowest of lows to the highest places. I haven’t done a single thing in my life to deserve that. Neither has anybody else. That’s a great story. Much better than “I will redefine this thing I want to do to make it ok for me to do in my mind because that’s what I want to do.” But what do I know?

 

 

 

Sin in All its Glory

Taking Responsibility

I laid out a lot of negative things regarding my ex-husband, and I want to be super clear about what my part was in all of this. Because I do think someday my kids might be interested to know, and I owe them my honesty.

The substance abuse I have spoken of was something that happened off and on for a very long time. I think that might be the worst part. Because it’s something that can be arrested.

I attended meetings off and on over the years….AA meetings. When I was attending them, I stayed sober. The one thing I’ve learned about myself is that I don’t want to be in a culture of drinking. I can’t hang around people who drink. It’s just not something I’m able to do.

I wasn’t there for my kids. I let them down in so many ways over and over. Every time I made a bad decision. It had to have impacted them. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to them.

 

I think it was the depression that caused me to sleep so much. I slept so much. I didn’t take care of the children the way I should. I wasn’t nurturing. I wasn’t reliable. Not at the end of it.

I didn’t clean or cook at the end of my marriage . I didn’t take care of my responsibilities.

I spent a lot of money we didn’t have near the end. I didn’t always spend money that way, but near the end I did.

Those are the things I did. Unplugging from life. Abdicating. Giving up. I wish it hadn’t happened that way for a lot of reasons. I’ve paid a high price for it.

Some things you can’t make amends for. Sometimes you hurt people more than you realize. At the time I didn’t realize it. I do now.

Dr. Phil says that a person can’t begin to forgive you until they feel that you really GET what you did to them. I believe that’s true. I would hope that my kids would feel my heart and know that I get it to the bottom of my soul. I would love the opportunity to be their parent now to the best of my ability as a healthy, sober woman of God.

I don’t believe it is ever too late.

Taking Responsibility