Change is Hard

I don’t know how to tell someone to change. I’ve changed a lot, but I think it’s mostly been that I was open and cooperative with God. It’s not easy, that’s for sure.

I was thinking today about the fact that I’ve been able to let go of so much anger and unforgiveness.  How is that even possible? I guess I’d have to point to the 12 steps. It’s a process of looking at your own stuff, taking responsibility, being humble and keeping your own counsel.

I really gave it to my ex-husband though. I called him names and railed against him for everything I was angry about. It didn’t do any good. He didn’t apologize to me. It made me feel better temporarily, but it was when I made the decision to stop trying to get even that I started on the journey to forgiveness.

I told myself over and over that Jesus stood before his accusers and said nothing. He could have defended himself easily. He could have shut all of their mouths. They were wrong, and He knew it. He took it. Thank God he did, because we would be lost if He hadn’t.

So it began by keeping my own counsel. In AA they talk about the ‘restraint of pen and tongue.’ How true! I would have made a lot of progress earlier in my life if I had understood that wisdom.

The second nugget that was helpful was on acceptance. I’ve quoted it here before. ‘Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.’ It’s hard to accept that your life isn’t the way you would like, with people all treating you the way you would like, but in the end, we are mostly a bunch of sick, sinful people trying to get along in life with our own fears and insecurities. We hurt each other, not because we are cruel, but because essentially our own lives are unmanageable.

I’m happier today because I’ve been able to set aside my own agenda and substitute God’s. Ultimately it’s about trusting Him. His ways are definitely not our ways, but they are infinitely better.

Change is Hard

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