I haven’t ever charted my moods, but they have always been pretty regularly up and down in a week to two week period. They call my kind of bipolar ‘rapid cycling.’ A Bipolar I person will have ups and downs that last months. I could go up and down in a matter of days.
My life is great right now. I have to say. I’m seeing someone, and that’s just been so fun, exciting, emotionally warm and fuzzy. So I would expect to have a better mood.
That said, I started seeing him in April and in July I had a week long depression that was almost physically painful. We were having my nieces and nephews for the week and I don’t know if it had to do with so many people in the house, but I was miserable.
I had my surgery in August. August is the month I have always been hospitalized (the 3 times I have been). I expected something, but my mood was good.
After the surgery, I had to get off the anesthesia and pain medications and yet no depression.
I attribute it to a few things. First, a better diet. No sugar or soda. No fried foods. Smaller quantities. Weight loss. Exercise. Regular vitamins. Taking my thyroid medicine regularly, as well as my other medications. A loving nurturing home environment. Friends.
I’ve been going to church again. AA meetings, of course. Just coming out of my shell.
I’m beginning to have hope that my life might be more level in the future. Maybe I’m actually becoming stabilized. Maybe my hardships have given me a perspective full of gratitude. I’d like to live with this hope rather than hoping the depression doesn’t return and guarding myself against it.
Yes, there will be down days. Everybody has them. I’m talking about relief from something bigger than that. Deliverance.