I had a horrible day with my son yesterday. He is a great kid, but he’s 15 and he’s 15! So we spent some prolonged time together and fought like teenagers.
Between that and a horrible Mother’s Day and arguing with what feels like everybody, I threw in the towel. I’m not mother any more. I’m not trying to be. I’m not trying.
I woke up today and realized that throwing in the towel didn’t change anything, and I’m still a mother. Saying I’m not one doesn’t make it true.
But then I realized I’m not a failure either. Not only am I still a mother, but it’s not over yet. We are working on a continuum here and the end is when we enter into glory. The truth will be shown to all. I’ll know who I am, and everybody else will too. And they are going to love and appreciate me the way I am. As I will them.
I read something from Beth Moore’s ‘Children of the Day‘
‘Satan loves to fuel our feelings of failure. Just when we finally muster the courage to act or take stand for the gospel, he prompts us to believe we blew it. Our feelings of failure cn start an ongoing cycle of inadequacy: if we feel like failures, we’ll act like failures and if we let that condemnation go unchecked, we’ll make our next decision out of the same perceived defeat. And the wheels on the bus go round and round.