Through it all

I believe. I have believed and I will believe. That is the one thing in my life that has been a constant.

I have had painful situations that I’ve spoken about at length. The amount of pain and suffering, the intensity, it is nothing really, it’s what humans go through in this world.

What I find now is that there is a level of sadness I have achieved that is just going to be there. I’ll learn to live with it, adapt. But life is sad. Bittersweet. At this age, there are hopes and dreams that were not fulfilled, and probably won’t be. Coming to terms with that has been hard.

In April of 2013, my life changed. Before that time, there was a lot of pain, leading up to the separation, but on that date, I started a different kid of living.

At that time, I was like a Romanian orphan. Seriously. Eating, sleeping, living…I could really not take care of myself. There were a whole lot of reasons for me to want to die. As a bipolar person, I do think of suicide every day. I’ve said that before. When I look back, I have no idea why I didn’t do it then.

Well, I believe God had serious coverage over me at that time. There had to be a shred of hope for a better life. If there wasn’t hope of my own, it was just the Lord protecting me. I’m glad I am alive today.

Life isn’t comfortable, it won’t ever be, but I think just trying to make a home wherever you are. If I was in jail, I would get clothes and food. There would be a routine, and I would etch out an existence. Create beautify where I could. I’m not saying it would be easy, and maybe if it happened I would change my tune, but it just seems true to me that I can be content in a heck of a lot of situations.

Through it all

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