I have spoken recently about vying to become a good forgiver. It is imperative that I forgive! My very life of sobriety and thus life itself is dependant on me being able to forgive.

I hold grudges though. I hold them forever. It’s hard to forgive when you are holding a grudge.

Being a good forgiver sounds like a great thing, and wonderful to talk about, but when I get my mind stirring about the things I have a grudge about, I just can’t let go.

I try all kinds of things, most of which are helpful. But the aching pain of having been done wrong just wells up.

I was thinking about this. It applies to any virtue I’m striving for. We each have gifts, and being able to forgive is one people have, but for those who don’t, I think God gives us a lot of practice.

I feel I am making no progress most of the time, but I came to see that in this decade I have so much more patience. I got it from having had a lot of situations that required it.

It’s like pullups. I practiced pullups a decade ago, and I worked hard, to the point where I could do 8. Maybe not a lot, but for a woman with not a lot of upperbody strength, it was awesome.

I could do those pullups because I practiced. I did pullups. There were other things I did, such as lifting weights or doing pushups, but to get better at it, I had to do them. When I stopped doing them, I stopped being able to do them.

So, my suggestion is to make a list of the things you have done with regard to the area you want to improve. See how many times you  have attained success with regard to it. Look at why you were successful at that time, and seek to recreate it. And always, of course, pray!


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