This and that

I think my writing tends to be indicative of the way my brain works. Mainly, with no sequential order whatsoever. I do obsess and become addicted to things, and that’s what drive people crazy.

Some of these things are: Minute Rice, taking a bath (3 or 4 a day in college), coffee (gallons), collections….scrapbooking materials (filled a whole room), working out (7 miles a day, up to 18 at one point, cardio and weights 2 hours a day for a year) certain kinds of food and drink. A brand of tea. A cappuccino maker. making soap, selling Longaberger baskets,  Hallmark ornaments, American Girl dolls and outfits.

I’m sure my soon to be former husband would have a list of his own. But that’s me.

I understand that all of that isn’t healthy. I agree. At the same time, I like finding something to be passionate about. I am not sure there is something wrong with spending energy on something self satisfying.

I have scrapbooks that stand 2 feet high. The lawyer helping me with my disability papers asked why I stopped and I said ‘I just realized one day that nobody would ever care about it.’ She said, ‘well the point is that it isn’t about them, it’s about you.’

I do have a connection with my ancestry the present and my legacy. I don’t have a lot to give, but the evidence is there, that I was a good mom, did things, participated, cared. I hope they can understand that someday;

My dad finished restoring a photograph of a baseball league….a minor league with his grandfather who played. I covet that photo. I don’t know why, but it is so special to see part of your heritage in a concrete (albeit 2 dimensional) manner.

So far Josh has been the one interested in his heritage. I suspect the others will be interested too someday.

I’m not going to be able to shed my addictions all at once, if ever. I cling to what is healthy and good. I heard Beth Moore say one time that she when she was recovering from an addictive sin of some kind, sleep with the bible under her pillow. She knew the answer was in there and she just clung to it until it started to take hold.

My desperate prayer is that today it takes hold.


This and that

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