I was in a very interesting meeting yesterday. It’s funny how so much of what I say and read, are true of me, things I relate to.
The subject was Secrets. The thing about addictions is that deep down, a lot of the pattern is that we lie and hide. One woman said that she hid her drinking from her 2 year old, and when she thought of it, she realized that there wasn’t a reason to hide it from a 2 year old, since the child didn’t know the difference. It was her who knew the difference. It was the hiding that was the problem even more than the actual drinking itself. It told her, her drinking was not what ‘regular people practice.
Granted, some drinkers aren’t that way. I can’t relate to them. I never had a drink in a bar. I never wanted to.
The admission of an addiction occurs in stages. There is the admission that there is an addiction. Then there is the admission of powerlessness. The recognition of an addiction only means just that. It’s not a complete surrender. The realization of powerlessness must then occur. That is achieved by the realization that one cannot get over the addiction oneself. It is through the strength of God.
God requires a stepping out of faith by taking certain steps. Step 5 has a lot of wisdom.
To me, step 5 is first being honest with ourselves and with God. Then, something else, admitting the exact nature of our wrongs to another person.
This, to me, is something that is done as we are more and more honest with ourselves and God. It doesn’t happen at once. There are years of actions, thoughts, and behaviors to be dealt with. Dealing with it all at one time just isn’t possible. As they say, ‘more will be revealed.‘
It isn’t about keeping things hidden. It’s about finding someone who gets it. It’s about being gentle with oneself. It’s forgiving myself. It’s about being brave.