I was so interested in seeing Black Box on ABC last night. I anticipated it for a few weeks. I knew it was going to be a doctor with bipolar illness. As far as tv shows go, this was a fine show. I wasn’t bowled over. I wasn’t concerned with how this might illuminate my friends and family. As much as I covet understanding, I was realistic. I wasn’t prepared for a side of how they represented her immoral behavior.
In my world, in all that has happened through the years, there is nobody more in need of a Savior than me. I believe the Bible is the Truth, written from God’s lips, and it doesn’t feel to me as if anybody was more determined to in some way touch the hem of the clothing of the person standing next to Jesus. I exaggerate, but I’m trying to say this with the core of my being. Only Christ wants my salvation more than me.
The thing is, I do have this illness. Let’s pretend for a moment that I wasn’t bipolar, which would be great. In that case, I would still be an addict an an intense one.
I am really truly grateful for the examples of those who have gone before me who did suffer more than me.
The problem, is I have this great moral failing. I sin. I do things that are against what I believe and I do it often. A verse I acquainted with is Matthew 7:4: In struggling against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.
In truth, I don’t know that I have resisted. In my illness, there is just a mountain of sin that I don’t think I resisted. If I had courage and strength I can, but not in my own self.
What has happened with me morally, I have to bear. I have broken things that I don’t think I can put back together in this life.
So…in getting back to it….the tv show ‘The Black Box’ displayed a vulnerability people with addictions and bipolar illness have. For me, what I think. is. that. I am praying for a waterfall of Truth and Grace to wash away the fear, guilt and regret.